I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need water and some morals
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
