I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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