At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
