you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
