Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
