But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
