so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
