Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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