he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
