I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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