dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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