i think my mom watched the whole time
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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