drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
