Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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