the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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