Define "chronic" masturbator.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
