Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
