Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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