she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
