i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
