I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
