he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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