Well apparently he's into motor boating.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
