They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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