I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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