I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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