I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
