Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
