Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
