My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
