I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
