The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
