I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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