I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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