I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
