I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did I show you my penis last night?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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