I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
its liver damage thursday
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