if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We need to get me chipped asap
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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