I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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