Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize