he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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