well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
