The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
