i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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