Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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