it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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