I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
