I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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