i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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