How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
