is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
