I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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