I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
