remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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