every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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