Plan B is the new Plan A
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
