goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
