he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
