yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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