when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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