there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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