I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
