Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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