Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i think i just lost a toe
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
