Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
