Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
