so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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