when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I puked a lego.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
